Today is Valentine's Day. I am single.
Does it matter? Not really. Then, why am I taking time to write?
I'm simply going to write some advice I wish I could give to myself, ten years ago. It's too late for me to benefit from it now, as I already learned the hard way, but maybe you can learn something.
Up to my early twenties, all I could talk about was to get a girlfriend. I never had one before that time, and couldn't understand why. I saw my friends getting paired all the time, some of them even got married… I felt lonely. Especially on a day like this.
They always told me not to worry. My day will come, likely when I least expect it. Some of them even jokingly warned me that when I'll start seeing girls, it will not stop, and I'll get tired of them.
They were right.
Since the past couple of years, I've been with some ladies in relationships of various length. Anything from a one-night stand to a few months, and to a few years. At the end, none of them worked out. In fact, all I want today is a break.
I was trying to get a girlfriend, just for the sake of having a girlfriend.
Love is more than beauty. Love is more than personality. Love is more than lust, sex, and friendship combined. That's why it's so hard to find. Be patient, don't resign!
I'm not saying it wasn't fun being with my exes. We had good times. Moments that I'll carry on for the rest of my life, even in nostalgia. I'll miss them. But after a while, we sadly realise we aren't for each other. At that point, do we really want to continue or part ways? I was all for tolerance and trials during my first and longest relationship. Today, I prefer breaking up before we start fighting, forcing us together to work, while slowly hating each other. It's not easy, but so far, I think it's better.
The advice I would like to give my past self, and to you, if you wish to get it, is how to approach women. That was my biggest scare. Mostly, I was afraid of getting rejected.
You will. And that's normal.
Like someone trying to sell something, not everyone will buy. Each person is different, and there are many people in this world. In fact, no one can tell you how. You have to learn by yourself, after many tries. What works for me may not work for you. Years ago, I wanted to approach someone only if it meant success… and that was stupid. Don't be afraid of getting rejected. The best thing to do is to accept rejection. Take it as experience. It will be useful.
Oddly enough, it's only when I don't think about it, when I don't look, that I'm the luckiest. It took me a while to catch up on that, and I wish I did years ago.
Don't focus on getting a woman. Just do what you like everyday, get on with your life, and someday, someone will want to walk the path of life with you. At least, for a little while, or for most, until one of you dies.
This being said, if you're single this Valentine's Day, go out on a date… with yourself. Take all the time you want, just for you. Because someday, someone will come, and you'll never be ready.